I brought Elle into Mike's office today, as he wanted to show her off to co-workers (some of whom had met her, while most had not), and it was a joyous day with lots of love. Most were jabbing at Mike: "She's got your hair!"; "Nah, she looks like mom - thank God!"; "Too cute! You sure she's yours?" All in good fun. And while it's not easy for me to take compliments, it was nice to hear many (especially the women) say: "You look great!"; "3 months? Wow, couldn't tell." And yet, there have been many (especially women) over these past 14 weeks or so, also commenting: "You look great! Are you breastfeeding?"; "Congrats on the baby! You look amazing! You must be breastfeeding."
Now, for those not yet moms/parents/deciding on parenthood, or for anyone without close family/friends who have experienced such comments, let me explain the italics above. Note: an interpreted condescension. Believe what you read, but I take such insinuations about my weight loss post-baby, as slightly passive-aggressive remarks towards my (parenting) life choices. Without getting into a "to breastfeed or not breastfeed" debate, I have chosen to nurse my daughter. I don't plan on going past 6 months or so, and certainly not past 12 months. That's not for me. But to listen to the words "you-look-great-must-be-the-breastfeeding," I merely hear "no-way-you-could-have-dropped-the-weight-without-nursing."
In truth -- this is all probably too much of my own soap box and inner reflections since being at home with a totally nonverbal infant. While I am thrilled for my time with her at the moment, I don't often engage in much conversation during the day unless Ellen is on, or Windsor throws in a playful bark or two. But I take offense to these comments. There, I said it. I take them as judgments -- and while they are likely self-judgments and reflections of the very women who state them -- they have caused me to be a bit on the defensive regarding my postnatal transformation(s).
Yes, breastfeeding undoubtedly helps increase the decrease of weight after a child is born. [Apparently it can burn up to 500 calories a day.] Granted, I am not a calorie counter (have not ever been), and I supplement enough with formula at this point that I am unsure as to what percentage of my dietary intake is in fact 'burned off' via whippin' out the boob. That said, I am grateful for whatever is has done for my body. However, my choice in breastfeeding is simply another personal decision among many to help maintain/implement my weight balance and loss. I choose to breastfeed, but I also choose to exercise. I choose to eat well. I choose to keep a sense of mental and emotional well-being in my life. All of which is done to the best of my ability day by day, and it is by no means a result of any one choice that I have come within 3 or 4 pounds of my pre-baby weight. Furthermore, even if I hit the magical number of pre-baby lbs, who is to say my sizing in clothing is the same?! Gravity works on even the youngest mothers...
For any woman who has gone through child-bearing trials and tribulations with pre/during/post baby weight, I commend you. It's a tough journey! I'm in no way finished. I also chose to eat and exercise well throughout my pregnancy; which is more than I can say for some of the outspoken females commenting at my expense over the last year or so. When we were telling people that I was pregnant, I would explain the nerves of going through such a physical change. My mother-in-law said it sweetly: "Carly certainly don't worry yourself throughout this journey with your weight. In any case, 9 months on, 9 months off." It was a nice gesture to remind me that time helps with most situations, including reaching long-term goals. I am happy to know that my good choices and hard work before, during, and after have assisted this transition. And I am happier still to know that I will probably not ever be totally satisfied - and thus will continue on making as many good choices as possible.
So as far as future comments regarding this baby weight biz, I will try to acknowledge them as my yoga instructors encourage me to acknowledge passing thoughts during meditation or the practice: "Treat them as fleeting objects, and take note of their existence. Eventually, like geese flying above you in the sky, you will notice them, and then they will fly further away until you don't notice them any more."
No comments:
Post a Comment