After a serious shooting in Connecticut yesterday, at an elementary school no less, there was so much on the TV, social media outlets, news websites, etc, it became overwhelming very quickly. It was overwhelming to hear what happened, see what people involved (in)directly were going through, and then read about the event ten-fold online. I also am writing about it now, and it's hard to regroup emotions regarding the incident quite concisely and fairly, considering I am so far away from the experience compared to the families involved. I can't express the sadness much more than wishing the best well wishes for those experiencing a very unusual end of 2012 and holiday season this year. Only positive, warm thoughts go out to them ...
Many people I am connected to on Facebook responded to the event - be it similar words of sympathy, or anger at the shooter. To that second note, I find it now most challenging to read and digest what others blankly state about such sorrows. It probably more of an immediate reaction to express in this kind of anger or disappointment about a shooter. A killer. Obviously, a perpetrator. But when I read comments like "what a sick world we live in," or, "what has the world come to?" it caused me to feel unease about so much more. And so I wanted to take the time to reflect on what that uneasiness is and why I might be reacting in such a way.
These stark, generalized comments often come out of (as noted above) angry and emotional reactions to horrific events. As I work towards professionally entering the mental health field, I have some clarity now about such reactions that are immediate responses to something significant. Therapy as a field, is still stigmatized to be the "last resort" for many. As a society we put so much faith into specialists regarding our physical well-being (doctors), our education (professors); when will we recognize the importance of including such specialists of our mental health as well (therapists or counselors)? It is not just specialists that help us physically, intellectually, or mentally/physiologically. We are self-accountable, too. Nevertheless, I believe we haven been exposed wrongly to stereotypes about therapy that say, "it's the only place you go to if something is really wrong."
Therapy, in the doctor-patient sense, is not for everyone. The infamous "couch" or office setting is not where everyone needs a third-party, objective sounding board. It's not what I would prescribe to everyone when they need some emotional and mental balancing. But it's not to say that our mental health fields are disparate and void of actual professionals that can assist someone if they go that course. And it should never be labeled that that person is "crazy" if they attend. I plan on counseling individuals, couples, children, and families in the near future, and I am eager to see what kinds of issues bring people to the office and what sorts of problems/experiences we will work through together. If exercising helps relieve some of your personal tension, by all means exercise. If reading relieves you of daily downers, then pick up the next novel you see! There are many ways to balance your life, and I think its even better when there are several things in your life to help you feel more at ease, more like yourself, and more balanced.
Our health care and insurance industries are certainly at a disconnect with regards to mental health and reimbursement. Expensive appointments with a therapist may keep most people away. It can be up to $200/hour for the "everyday" clinician, let alone someone who is specializing in something such as an eating disorder, or PTSD. (No worries, this won't be my blog post opinion about the incredible need for our returning soldiers to receive much more mental health attention after sacrificing so much while overseas...). For the financial reason, and so many more, many people do not go to therapy. And like I said, this post is not about encouraging all of us to go. [Note: I have been to therapy, and would certainly go again as I have had decent experiences and am entering the field. It would be difficult to sit in an office and be an empathetic listener for a client without walking the walk, don't you think? It's like those awkward moments when I see a smoking nurse...why am I supposed to take you seriously?] The costs are also so outrageous, that I can't necessarily condone them. But can I condone the fact that you are probably reading this while on your fancy laptop/smartphone/tablet and sipping a $7 Starbucks espresso drink, after going out to dinner with friends? Of course not! Well, I can't condone that assumption either. But it is truly amazing to think that we can find any way possible to pay ludicrous amounts for "simple" luxuries that are often just to impress upon ourselves or to others our "stuff," but not pay good money for the self-health we deserve.
I've also read/heard the adjectives thrown out regarding the shooter who may or may not have killed himself. I think these (some such as "coward," "douchebag," "punk") are more immediate reactions to something tragic. Call me overly generous, call me overly empathetic, call me what you want in one word, but I do not think that this defines the shooter. The very labels are what make us forget to note early signs for those who likely needed some extra attention. He entered the school with a bullet-proof vest and at least three weapons. This was by all means planned out. So, what in his daily life, over much time, caused him to feel so pained by his world to take the lives of innocent children? If the mental health field is calling me - and it seems to - I would ask of any client, even those to which I feel some sort of anger or discontentment, "how may I help this person with their pain?"
We all have a story we want to share. That's what makes us live our lives, and we want to share it with others. Our friends, our partners, our families. I have a daughter now, and while my timeline in parenthood is not yet lengthy, I absolutely perceive even the smallest of things so differently. I felt overwhelmed last night, and wanted to get Windsor some fresh air as well, so she and I took a walk. As I was putting on her leash, Mike reminded us to "be careful," and we went on our way. Our neighborhood is small, so we just took three streets to complete the loop, and I was able to breathe in and out much better with the winter cold in my lungs, smiling as we passed the many Christmas lights adorning our neighbor's homes. It made me feel so much better for so many reasons, and I wanted to package the whole outing and write on it, "Handle With Care." Take this post with my best intentions - as they are always written in that way - and remember to balance your life with the most beneficial of physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and mental health experiences that you can. And when in doubt, keep those close to you informed. They may end up helping you along the way, just because they are in your life.
Please be well.
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