I'd be lying if I said that this was not the best year of my life. At least to some extent. Becoming a mom has been a dream of mine since I was just getting out of diapers myself. Granted, when we were transitioning from 2004-2005, it was the greatest year because I knew I had met my soul mate. When we went from 2007-2008, I had been living a life all my own post undergrad in the city of Boston, growing up. And when we entered 2011, I was a wife, another early-set goal from my childhood. I guess the main theme here is, that I found (or realized) each year was "the best" because of milestones achieved. The milestones I had envisioned, despite their timelines being something I could have planned.
For someone who is such a planner, it is definitely hard to live the mantra of "be present." I like to look ahead, because of...well...I'm not sure why. I have always been someone to look forward. Maybe it's because of the unknown, maybe it's because I have hope for greater things. It's not a terrible thing to have goals after all. But what I have learned from my family, my yoga practice, my counseling pursuit, myself....I have learned so much more is possible if I take what is today, and apply it to progression.
Many of my family members are a part of the phenomenon Crossfit. A dynamic, eclectic arena for "forging elite fitness." In fact most of the family owns one of the gyms or coaches at one, and have been a part of the movement for some time, aiding its relevance in our society's increased interest in unique training programs. They inspire me, and their own students, and this stems from their pursuits in making change happen by progressing from where they are each day. Benchmarks.
Since February 2008, I have been reciting "Ohm" and "Namaste" at classes and within myself, when I wanted to find a means of mental and physical stimulation amidst my bustling Boston 'newness.' Yoga grants me so much opportunity to do a self-check in living day to day with gratitude. It inspires me to progress in my positions and endurance, while never blaming myself for where my body may be each time I get on the mat. Thankful.
I have worked in a variety of fields. And while my résumé looks like a chopping block of six-month segments of these professional industries, I do not doubt that short periods provide impact on my life in significant ways professionally or personally. Each job led me to the realization that I want to counsel others and perform within the mental health discipline. A discipline which in itself, is broad enough that I could be working various roles as a therapist, too! The academic path will soon come to a close, and then my skills will be put to the test. It's a place that is very unknown to me, but a passion I have developed. I am eager to offer myself on a broader scale, and truly on behalf of others in the coming years. Listening.
Finally, why many would argue that this is my greatest year so far, would be because of my baby girl. Elliot is unequivocally the physical transformation of my love for family and creation. Mike and I are so thrilled, challenged, and awestruck by her each day. Motherhood has gifted me with happiness, fear, independence, codependency, and enlightenment. This experience is all on its own, and I am just trying to live it each day with acceptance for all the 'firsts' Elle continues to have. Believing.
So what will 2013 have in store? For a personal continued resolution of sorts - I want to live through the four words I mentioned above: benchmarks, thankful, listening, and believing. All of these can be expressed by living day to day, creating my happiness, and moving through the hard times in a present mindset. Happy New Years to all of you readers out there; it's your life to love!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Handle With Care
After a serious shooting in Connecticut yesterday, at an elementary school no less, there was so much on the TV, social media outlets, news websites, etc, it became overwhelming very quickly. It was overwhelming to hear what happened, see what people involved (in)directly were going through, and then read about the event ten-fold online. I also am writing about it now, and it's hard to regroup emotions regarding the incident quite concisely and fairly, considering I am so far away from the experience compared to the families involved. I can't express the sadness much more than wishing the best well wishes for those experiencing a very unusual end of 2012 and holiday season this year. Only positive, warm thoughts go out to them ...
Many people I am connected to on Facebook responded to the event - be it similar words of sympathy, or anger at the shooter. To that second note, I find it now most challenging to read and digest what others blankly state about such sorrows. It probably more of an immediate reaction to express in this kind of anger or disappointment about a shooter. A killer. Obviously, a perpetrator. But when I read comments like "what a sick world we live in," or, "what has the world come to?" it caused me to feel unease about so much more. And so I wanted to take the time to reflect on what that uneasiness is and why I might be reacting in such a way.
These stark, generalized comments often come out of (as noted above) angry and emotional reactions to horrific events. As I work towards professionally entering the mental health field, I have some clarity now about such reactions that are immediate responses to something significant. Therapy as a field, is still stigmatized to be the "last resort" for many. As a society we put so much faith into specialists regarding our physical well-being (doctors), our education (professors); when will we recognize the importance of including such specialists of our mental health as well (therapists or counselors)? It is not just specialists that help us physically, intellectually, or mentally/physiologically. We are self-accountable, too. Nevertheless, I believe we haven been exposed wrongly to stereotypes about therapy that say, "it's the only place you go to if something is really wrong."
Therapy, in the doctor-patient sense, is not for everyone. The infamous "couch" or office setting is not where everyone needs a third-party, objective sounding board. It's not what I would prescribe to everyone when they need some emotional and mental balancing. But it's not to say that our mental health fields are disparate and void of actual professionals that can assist someone if they go that course. And it should never be labeled that that person is "crazy" if they attend. I plan on counseling individuals, couples, children, and families in the near future, and I am eager to see what kinds of issues bring people to the office and what sorts of problems/experiences we will work through together. If exercising helps relieve some of your personal tension, by all means exercise. If reading relieves you of daily downers, then pick up the next novel you see! There are many ways to balance your life, and I think its even better when there are several things in your life to help you feel more at ease, more like yourself, and more balanced.
Our health care and insurance industries are certainly at a disconnect with regards to mental health and reimbursement. Expensive appointments with a therapist may keep most people away. It can be up to $200/hour for the "everyday" clinician, let alone someone who is specializing in something such as an eating disorder, or PTSD. (No worries, this won't be my blog post opinion about the incredible need for our returning soldiers to receive much more mental health attention after sacrificing so much while overseas...). For the financial reason, and so many more, many people do not go to therapy. And like I said, this post is not about encouraging all of us to go. [Note: I have been to therapy, and would certainly go again as I have had decent experiences and am entering the field. It would be difficult to sit in an office and be an empathetic listener for a client without walking the walk, don't you think? It's like those awkward moments when I see a smoking nurse...why am I supposed to take you seriously?] The costs are also so outrageous, that I can't necessarily condone them. But can I condone the fact that you are probably reading this while on your fancy laptop/smartphone/tablet and sipping a $7 Starbucks espresso drink, after going out to dinner with friends? Of course not! Well, I can't condone that assumption either. But it is truly amazing to think that we can find any way possible to pay ludicrous amounts for "simple" luxuries that are often just to impress upon ourselves or to others our "stuff," but not pay good money for the self-health we deserve.
I've also read/heard the adjectives thrown out regarding the shooter who may or may not have killed himself. I think these (some such as "coward," "douchebag," "punk") are more immediate reactions to something tragic. Call me overly generous, call me overly empathetic, call me what you want in one word, but I do not think that this defines the shooter. The very labels are what make us forget to note early signs for those who likely needed some extra attention. He entered the school with a bullet-proof vest and at least three weapons. This was by all means planned out. So, what in his daily life, over much time, caused him to feel so pained by his world to take the lives of innocent children? If the mental health field is calling me - and it seems to - I would ask of any client, even those to which I feel some sort of anger or discontentment, "how may I help this person with their pain?"
We all have a story we want to share. That's what makes us live our lives, and we want to share it with others. Our friends, our partners, our families. I have a daughter now, and while my timeline in parenthood is not yet lengthy, I absolutely perceive even the smallest of things so differently. I felt overwhelmed last night, and wanted to get Windsor some fresh air as well, so she and I took a walk. As I was putting on her leash, Mike reminded us to "be careful," and we went on our way. Our neighborhood is small, so we just took three streets to complete the loop, and I was able to breathe in and out much better with the winter cold in my lungs, smiling as we passed the many Christmas lights adorning our neighbor's homes. It made me feel so much better for so many reasons, and I wanted to package the whole outing and write on it, "Handle With Care." Take this post with my best intentions - as they are always written in that way - and remember to balance your life with the most beneficial of physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and mental health experiences that you can. And when in doubt, keep those close to you informed. They may end up helping you along the way, just because they are in your life.
Please be well.
Many people I am connected to on Facebook responded to the event - be it similar words of sympathy, or anger at the shooter. To that second note, I find it now most challenging to read and digest what others blankly state about such sorrows. It probably more of an immediate reaction to express in this kind of anger or disappointment about a shooter. A killer. Obviously, a perpetrator. But when I read comments like "what a sick world we live in," or, "what has the world come to?" it caused me to feel unease about so much more. And so I wanted to take the time to reflect on what that uneasiness is and why I might be reacting in such a way.
These stark, generalized comments often come out of (as noted above) angry and emotional reactions to horrific events. As I work towards professionally entering the mental health field, I have some clarity now about such reactions that are immediate responses to something significant. Therapy as a field, is still stigmatized to be the "last resort" for many. As a society we put so much faith into specialists regarding our physical well-being (doctors), our education (professors); when will we recognize the importance of including such specialists of our mental health as well (therapists or counselors)? It is not just specialists that help us physically, intellectually, or mentally/physiologically. We are self-accountable, too. Nevertheless, I believe we haven been exposed wrongly to stereotypes about therapy that say, "it's the only place you go to if something is really wrong."
Therapy, in the doctor-patient sense, is not for everyone. The infamous "couch" or office setting is not where everyone needs a third-party, objective sounding board. It's not what I would prescribe to everyone when they need some emotional and mental balancing. But it's not to say that our mental health fields are disparate and void of actual professionals that can assist someone if they go that course. And it should never be labeled that that person is "crazy" if they attend. I plan on counseling individuals, couples, children, and families in the near future, and I am eager to see what kinds of issues bring people to the office and what sorts of problems/experiences we will work through together. If exercising helps relieve some of your personal tension, by all means exercise. If reading relieves you of daily downers, then pick up the next novel you see! There are many ways to balance your life, and I think its even better when there are several things in your life to help you feel more at ease, more like yourself, and more balanced.
Our health care and insurance industries are certainly at a disconnect with regards to mental health and reimbursement. Expensive appointments with a therapist may keep most people away. It can be up to $200/hour for the "everyday" clinician, let alone someone who is specializing in something such as an eating disorder, or PTSD. (No worries, this won't be my blog post opinion about the incredible need for our returning soldiers to receive much more mental health attention after sacrificing so much while overseas...). For the financial reason, and so many more, many people do not go to therapy. And like I said, this post is not about encouraging all of us to go. [Note: I have been to therapy, and would certainly go again as I have had decent experiences and am entering the field. It would be difficult to sit in an office and be an empathetic listener for a client without walking the walk, don't you think? It's like those awkward moments when I see a smoking nurse...why am I supposed to take you seriously?] The costs are also so outrageous, that I can't necessarily condone them. But can I condone the fact that you are probably reading this while on your fancy laptop/smartphone/tablet and sipping a $7 Starbucks espresso drink, after going out to dinner with friends? Of course not! Well, I can't condone that assumption either. But it is truly amazing to think that we can find any way possible to pay ludicrous amounts for "simple" luxuries that are often just to impress upon ourselves or to others our "stuff," but not pay good money for the self-health we deserve.
I've also read/heard the adjectives thrown out regarding the shooter who may or may not have killed himself. I think these (some such as "coward," "douchebag," "punk") are more immediate reactions to something tragic. Call me overly generous, call me overly empathetic, call me what you want in one word, but I do not think that this defines the shooter. The very labels are what make us forget to note early signs for those who likely needed some extra attention. He entered the school with a bullet-proof vest and at least three weapons. This was by all means planned out. So, what in his daily life, over much time, caused him to feel so pained by his world to take the lives of innocent children? If the mental health field is calling me - and it seems to - I would ask of any client, even those to which I feel some sort of anger or discontentment, "how may I help this person with their pain?"
We all have a story we want to share. That's what makes us live our lives, and we want to share it with others. Our friends, our partners, our families. I have a daughter now, and while my timeline in parenthood is not yet lengthy, I absolutely perceive even the smallest of things so differently. I felt overwhelmed last night, and wanted to get Windsor some fresh air as well, so she and I took a walk. As I was putting on her leash, Mike reminded us to "be careful," and we went on our way. Our neighborhood is small, so we just took three streets to complete the loop, and I was able to breathe in and out much better with the winter cold in my lungs, smiling as we passed the many Christmas lights adorning our neighbor's homes. It made me feel so much better for so many reasons, and I wanted to package the whole outing and write on it, "Handle With Care." Take this post with my best intentions - as they are always written in that way - and remember to balance your life with the most beneficial of physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and mental health experiences that you can. And when in doubt, keep those close to you informed. They may end up helping you along the way, just because they are in your life.
Please be well.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
"like little geese..."
I brought Elle into Mike's office today, as he wanted to show her off to co-workers (some of whom had met her, while most had not), and it was a joyous day with lots of love. Most were jabbing at Mike: "She's got your hair!"; "Nah, she looks like mom - thank God!"; "Too cute! You sure she's yours?" All in good fun. And while it's not easy for me to take compliments, it was nice to hear many (especially the women) say: "You look great!"; "3 months? Wow, couldn't tell." And yet, there have been many (especially women) over these past 14 weeks or so, also commenting: "You look great! Are you breastfeeding?"; "Congrats on the baby! You look amazing! You must be breastfeeding."
Now, for those not yet moms/parents/deciding on parenthood, or for anyone without close family/friends who have experienced such comments, let me explain the italics above. Note: an interpreted condescension. Believe what you read, but I take such insinuations about my weight loss post-baby, as slightly passive-aggressive remarks towards my (parenting) life choices. Without getting into a "to breastfeed or not breastfeed" debate, I have chosen to nurse my daughter. I don't plan on going past 6 months or so, and certainly not past 12 months. That's not for me. But to listen to the words "you-look-great-must-be-the-breastfeeding," I merely hear "no-way-you-could-have-dropped-the-weight-without-nursing."
In truth -- this is all probably too much of my own soap box and inner reflections since being at home with a totally nonverbal infant. While I am thrilled for my time with her at the moment, I don't often engage in much conversation during the day unless Ellen is on, or Windsor throws in a playful bark or two. But I take offense to these comments. There, I said it. I take them as judgments -- and while they are likely self-judgments and reflections of the very women who state them -- they have caused me to be a bit on the defensive regarding my postnatal transformation(s).
Yes, breastfeeding undoubtedly helps increase the decrease of weight after a child is born. [Apparently it can burn up to 500 calories a day.] Granted, I am not a calorie counter (have not ever been), and I supplement enough with formula at this point that I am unsure as to what percentage of my dietary intake is in fact 'burned off' via whippin' out the boob. That said, I am grateful for whatever is has done for my body. However, my choice in breastfeeding is simply another personal decision among many to help maintain/implement my weight balance and loss. I choose to breastfeed, but I also choose to exercise. I choose to eat well. I choose to keep a sense of mental and emotional well-being in my life. All of which is done to the best of my ability day by day, and it is by no means a result of any one choice that I have come within 3 or 4 pounds of my pre-baby weight. Furthermore, even if I hit the magical number of pre-baby lbs, who is to say my sizing in clothing is the same?! Gravity works on even the youngest mothers...
For any woman who has gone through child-bearing trials and tribulations with pre/during/post baby weight, I commend you. It's a tough journey! I'm in no way finished. I also chose to eat and exercise well throughout my pregnancy; which is more than I can say for some of the outspoken females commenting at my expense over the last year or so. When we were telling people that I was pregnant, I would explain the nerves of going through such a physical change. My mother-in-law said it sweetly: "Carly certainly don't worry yourself throughout this journey with your weight. In any case, 9 months on, 9 months off." It was a nice gesture to remind me that time helps with most situations, including reaching long-term goals. I am happy to know that my good choices and hard work before, during, and after have assisted this transition. And I am happier still to know that I will probably not ever be totally satisfied - and thus will continue on making as many good choices as possible.
So as far as future comments regarding this baby weight biz, I will try to acknowledge them as my yoga instructors encourage me to acknowledge passing thoughts during meditation or the practice: "Treat them as fleeting objects, and take note of their existence. Eventually, like geese flying above you in the sky, you will notice them, and then they will fly further away until you don't notice them any more."
Now, for those not yet moms/parents/deciding on parenthood, or for anyone without close family/friends who have experienced such comments, let me explain the italics above. Note: an interpreted condescension. Believe what you read, but I take such insinuations about my weight loss post-baby, as slightly passive-aggressive remarks towards my (parenting) life choices. Without getting into a "to breastfeed or not breastfeed" debate, I have chosen to nurse my daughter. I don't plan on going past 6 months or so, and certainly not past 12 months. That's not for me. But to listen to the words "you-look-great-must-be-the-breastfeeding," I merely hear "no-way-you-could-have-dropped-the-weight-without-nursing."
In truth -- this is all probably too much of my own soap box and inner reflections since being at home with a totally nonverbal infant. While I am thrilled for my time with her at the moment, I don't often engage in much conversation during the day unless Ellen is on, or Windsor throws in a playful bark or two. But I take offense to these comments. There, I said it. I take them as judgments -- and while they are likely self-judgments and reflections of the very women who state them -- they have caused me to be a bit on the defensive regarding my postnatal transformation(s).
Yes, breastfeeding undoubtedly helps increase the decrease of weight after a child is born. [Apparently it can burn up to 500 calories a day.] Granted, I am not a calorie counter (have not ever been), and I supplement enough with formula at this point that I am unsure as to what percentage of my dietary intake is in fact 'burned off' via whippin' out the boob. That said, I am grateful for whatever is has done for my body. However, my choice in breastfeeding is simply another personal decision among many to help maintain/implement my weight balance and loss. I choose to breastfeed, but I also choose to exercise. I choose to eat well. I choose to keep a sense of mental and emotional well-being in my life. All of which is done to the best of my ability day by day, and it is by no means a result of any one choice that I have come within 3 or 4 pounds of my pre-baby weight. Furthermore, even if I hit the magical number of pre-baby lbs, who is to say my sizing in clothing is the same?! Gravity works on even the youngest mothers...
For any woman who has gone through child-bearing trials and tribulations with pre/during/post baby weight, I commend you. It's a tough journey! I'm in no way finished. I also chose to eat and exercise well throughout my pregnancy; which is more than I can say for some of the outspoken females commenting at my expense over the last year or so. When we were telling people that I was pregnant, I would explain the nerves of going through such a physical change. My mother-in-law said it sweetly: "Carly certainly don't worry yourself throughout this journey with your weight. In any case, 9 months on, 9 months off." It was a nice gesture to remind me that time helps with most situations, including reaching long-term goals. I am happy to know that my good choices and hard work before, during, and after have assisted this transition. And I am happier still to know that I will probably not ever be totally satisfied - and thus will continue on making as many good choices as possible.
So as far as future comments regarding this baby weight biz, I will try to acknowledge them as my yoga instructors encourage me to acknowledge passing thoughts during meditation or the practice: "Treat them as fleeting objects, and take note of their existence. Eventually, like geese flying above you in the sky, you will notice them, and then they will fly further away until you don't notice them any more."
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