the beholder

I've been thinking a lot about this particular blog because of many different "downs" that have occurred - personal mishaps that have made me question perspective. What I feel may be important, and seriously wrong about my day (i.e. traffic jams in the morning and the evening, a cold that hasn't quit, a long day followed by a long class session ... lists can go on). Where does your list start? Where does it end? It's your perspective, you're allowed to confess what disappoints you, what frustrates you.

I guess my face was expressing my emotions earlier this week because a colleague asked me what was wrong. And unfortunately, it was the kind of passive-agressive question that left me feeling guilty about my frustrations, instead of feeling touched by a concerned coworker. Why do we judge others' issues in relation to our own? In relation to the world? A terrible, tragic earthquake shook Haiti two weeks ago, and many were lost. Many still missing. I worked with women from Haiti at my first daycare, and when the event happened, I knew I wanted to reach out to them. I felt compelled as a person who formerly worked with them and befriended them, to reach out. And it was an incredible feeling to do so. I felt connected to something hard they were going through, and then I turned inward to gain control on my perspective about what was bothering me. How could I come home and feel mad about a bad day that encompassed traffic, when I knew where all of my family was? How can I sit at home tonight and write a blog on my wireless internet connection, when there are hundreds of life-saving individuals down in Haiti, all over the world, without so much as a lightbulb to help them aid others?


I don't have the answers to these questions. There will always by cycles of life surrounding us. People are always dying. People are always raising money for great causes. Frivilous spending happens more than I care think about. People are always choosing to do what's right for them. The last statement is the best way I can sum up my feelings about perspective. Think about the quote "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." What if you swap out "beauty" for "perspective?" When someone asks you to "gain some perspective" is that an underminding way of that person to make you feel lousy? Why does "gaining" perspective cause so much guilt? Bad things happen to us, in small and large capacities. The strength of the demise can be shaped by our emotional and physical health. Whatever happens to you, happens to YOU. It can't be helped to feel like you're at your wits end sometimes. Just remember that it does get better. Life fluctuates so that we stay healthy. If we remained rigid, permanently happy, permanently guilty, we would break.


I don't want to break. I don't want to conform. I just want my perspective to be my own. For yours to be yours. I guess I'm not sure what do with perspective yet. But I can hold out. There will always be situations to make me feel like I should look back and question.