Lately, my husband and I have not been on the same page. About a lot of things. Work, the kids, house projects. And this has been one of the most beneficial times of our relationship. Confused? Let me explain...
I've often heard that opposites attract. And yet, in finding a mate one usually hopes to be with someone that shares similar values and ideologies (possibly outright opinions). Maybe that's selfish as it can be someone we can manipulate, or maybe it has to do with the fact that we want someone on our side, some security in our own neuroses.. Sure, the search could prove somewhat selfish or conceited; but if we look deeper into what often makes a partnership work - or mine for all intents and purposes - it's less about the selfish similarities and more about the shared differences.
Last night, Mike and I had our first date in over six months. It was a couple of margaritas and churros ice cream, and it was glorious. As we reconnected amidst the vibrant colors and Mexican flair of the restaurant, we reminisced about life before kids, before the house and talked about our 'self selves' pre-family. The memories pleasant enough led us quickly back to making sure we would not go back to those times, if only to help our own relationship grow. Buying a house did not make us a better couple outright, nor did having kids make us a stronger one. Ultimately, we discovered talking last night that we were developing in our relationship wonderfully in part to these life changes and more so because of the way they split us and our time.
I will be pursuing yoga certification next year, and into the spring of 2016 I will be spending every weekend at the studio (yup, every weekend). Mike will be responsible for being with the kids by himself for a much larger percentage than myself. Like, a huge percentage more. This is how I view it, and when I presented the application as such, Mike just looks me in the eye and ever so deftly recites, "we're not tit for tat, Carly." So I apply vigorously, accept happily, and now anticipate gleefully the opening weekend come September.
There may be a time in our future relationship when Mike is the one in graduate school, or pursuing his own life goal that "eats up" more time. There were many days this summer when too pregnant to do much else than sit pregnant that Mike got Elliot to the park, or out for a walk. I cook most nights, even if Mike can grill a mean turkey burger. I tidy up at the end of our days, and M doesn't really like me near the washing machine - it's his chore.
So we're not 50/50, and I think it's been great. I definitely always thought we'd be better for it being more even, but just as the universe balances herself out, our roles and jobs are a yin-yang relationship helping create wholeness without expectation. I could argue that unlike the universe, we have to work at it a little bit. Sometimes six months go by and we hit a "roommate rut," and only through consciously putting down our phones and looking one another in the eye do we dig out of it to rejuvenate. But I guess Earth goes through it too - in seasons, in weather, in landscape - it's always growth. Even out of the dust a flower can bloom.
