I've got quite the update to express before beginning on this blog...
Mike and I have purchased our first home (!) and despite the time lapse between postings here, it happened within what felt like minutes. We had started our search in the beginning of January - meeting with a referred realtor and compiling our "definitelys" and "maybes" and "no ways" regarding the initial group of listings she sent our way. Our apartment lease isn't up until the middle of May - so we figured, January, perfect. Plenty of time to start the search.
So, we organized our near 20-home search and spread the listings out over 2 days. (20 was a lot to see in one weekend, but it was our first search, and we had narrowed the 17 or so down from 90 choices, so we felt pretty good about it!) That Saturday, as we're about a third of the way through searching houses, we were finishing up in one of the listed homes, pretty begrudgingly. We had not only walked into a house that was in use, but literally at that moment in use with tenants, or whomever lived there at the time - 2 young adults, their toddler, and their dog - watching the T.V. and eating lunch. We anxiously avoided them, trying not to say out loud what we were thinking (good or bad), and meandered upstairs and outside to take it all in. (Fortunately, this scenario was not the norm as we searched that weekend; at least if the houses weren't vacant, the owners were not present to judge our judging!) Leaving fairly disappointed with the situation, but more so with the house, we got into the car and decided to drive a different way around the neighborhood.
And now, let a little fate commence. However we want to "explain" it, we were leaving the area down an adjacent, quiet street and saw a 'For Sale' sign outside of what appeared to be a darling single family home. Our realtor pulled the car over and then in the midst of calling the seller's realtor, the (assumed) owners walked out the front door. "Perfect!" our realtor exclaims while jumping out of the car, simultaneously putting the other office on hold to speak with the kind couple who just left their house. They were leaving for another showing they were expecting within 30 mins, and said we could of course make our way inside before the other group came by. By the time they left and our own realtor got off the phone with the other, we were already falling for it - and this was just looking at shutters and siding in the afternoon sun! We also were able to confirm why the house had not fallen in within our initial listings; just that day the property had dropped $20k to within our price point: jackpot.
In short, it didn't take much more than the moments outside and a few on the interior to know this was the benchmark by which all of the other planned listings would be measured. We went back on Monday night to get in our 2nd viewing (really just to be in the presence of the home we loved again!), made the offer Tuesday, had a quick and easy negotiation point over Wednesday/Thursday, and scheduled the inspection on the following Sunday. Yes. 8 days between sight and sign, and boy, were we sold!
Amidst this crazy, serendipitous process, something else magical was happening, adding to the excitement and chaos of house-searching...I confirmed shortly before we started looking for homes that I was pregnant. We kept mum until the "safe" 12 week period or so, but knowing that a house was indeed ours (pending mortgage approval and the fun of closing), the pregnancy news was nothing but extraordinary to share. It is our first, and as 2012 has shown already, the baby will be welcomed into a year of other firsts (home, new town), and welcomed into lots of love -- this truth made very clear after we made the calls and sent the emails to family and friends with news that a little one is on the way.
So, like I said - lots of news to share before getting to the meat of my rant, today. With the new house and the new pregnancy, would it be anything but reality and fantasy mixed together unless others' opinions began flooding our mental inboxes (Mike's and mine)? When you have news to share, usually no matter how small, someone has got a similar experience, or has got a 'friend of a friend' whose experience is something to note. This little anecdote meaning that, with the big news of home and baby - WHOOSH! In came the "did you know?'s" and "have you thought about?'s" ?????
"To each her own" is something I want to put across while writing this post, because it's a belief I have as a human being, a global citizen, a woman, a partner/spouse, a future clinician, etc. To harness and evaluate equally all the incoming information (medical, professional, or layman) regarding the baby, in particular, would be cruel and unusual punishment to my psyche and my heart. Regardless of this being my first pregnancy, some other mothers have informed that the opinion-pushing from their friends, family, colleagues, and doctors doesn't stop after the first: people have always got something to say.
Now, as a counselor, I would look at someone's remark (i.e. about natural childbirth vs. the epidural; the working vs. stay-at-home mom; to vaccinate vs. not vaccinate) and say, "with what intention does this person make such a statement?" or, "from what piece of their past/background does this opinion stem?" As a woman, and a mom-to-be, I kinda just feel like saying "thank you, I hear you, now move along!" Honestly, even when it's something I agree with, sometimes the intention feels disconcerting. For instance, it is my goal to experience natural childbirth (until otherwise medically necessary during labor), and if a friend has said "yes, it's 'natural' for a reason, and every mother should try like you!" This is not a fair statement in my eyes. I am hoping that this experience is something I can endure (physically and emotionally), but it is my experience; and with the discussion with a supportive partner, Mike, we can make this decision based on our rights and wants and needs as a family unit. Not every mom should be doing anything. Except, of course, doing what her body, mind, and soul should - and that is whatever is personal and individual to her.
I can't explain this much more without getting political or adverse to acknowledging outside discussion (and with all the other campaigns constantly surrounding us, let's leave that to other more interested folks), but what I can say is to each her own. Or "his," or "their," or "our" -- in whatever way possible -- let the parents be the parents. We will not always be in agreement with our friends or family about the choices we make, and this goes for entities outside of the world of parenting. But what we can do as humanely possible, is listen to what they choose and try to understand or at least appreciate it as their decision. And, if they do seem to actually question what they are saying that they want, perhaps then our opinions may be of use.
Just be kind. With however you view another's lifestyle, be kind, it is not yours. At first we may see it as uneducated, but to me the differences are often out of what we choose to know. The medical world may never fully agree with a more holistic world. And vice-versa. I practice yoga, put faith into meditation and mantras, and believe that our female bodies were built to bear children. But this doesn't mean every woman should have children nor that every woman that does needs to avoid C-sections or pain medication at all costs to her well-being (her whole well-being). I also believe that ill-trained medical professionals can lead their practice through the guise of fear, which causes many women to believe that C-sections (for example) are the only intervention when labor gets tough. But whatever she (being the sister, friend) decides as her entrance into motherhood, she is entering Motherhood - something I value as one of the most remarkable stages in a woman's life - and she is bringing another life into the world. Let us not tarnish the new life by acting out as a part of the world that is immediately on guard or defensive.
Let us make the most of this new life by opening our arms and our minds wide with acceptance and love.
