the messy stuff

Call it greed, call it puppyhood, call it indecisive, but our little dog Windsor has been doing something very curiously ever since we got her, and only this morning did I reflect on her actions as something much more than what they probably actually are. She's not quite a large dog yet (she'll get there I'm sure), but her size is all irrelevant to her personality. A smaller body does not mean her character is lacking. She obtains her individual personality just as much as any young puppy, toddler, adult, regardless of her physique, and maybe this comical behavior of hers is just a result of her feeling limitless and without recognition that boundaries do exist.


The toys, for example. We have what most would buy for their dog I assume - the rope toy (in 2 sizes), a Kong, tennis balls, a frisbee, and this wonderful plastic ball with a net-like exterior in which you can stuff treats for her to work at excavating (bought for us, acutally! Thanks M and R!). Windsor will take out each toy one a time from her little pile in between bookshelves along the living room wall, and systematically places them about the carpet. Setting up what looks like either an obstacle course, or laziness on the part of Michael and me not cleaning up. When a ball and/or rope toy is thrown across the room and down our little front hallway, she'll zoom up to it as any dog would, and collects it in her mouth to return to owner as any retriever should. The funny thing is, she picks up all the toys in line of her retrieval, disregarding that the pair of them (i.e. two tennis balls) may not yet fit in her sweet, little, 5-month old mouth.


But, despite our doubts, her smarts got the best of us, and she has proven once and again many times over that yes, she can fit two toys in her mouth, and I'm betting she won't stop at two toys before she grows to her full size.


Walks, for example. We take her out in the morning before and the evening after work and she is always eager to march on with her mom and dad. She pulls a little still, so many Spring smells to ponder, and people to see, but overall she walks very well, and is getting better sticking close to our hips, walking in a "lion-stride" alongside us. The one aspect of her daily walks that never ceases to make us laugh, is the way in which she goes about her "stick time." She'll spot a twig, a stick, a branch about 100 yards ahead of us, and will focus full speed on retrieving that very limb at no cost to the ambition of herself. Mind you, this is not just any stick, typically. Imagine those pine branches that fall or break off trees with about a foot or foot and a half of stick, followed by the brush and pine needle clusters that feather the end. Got it? Now, imagine to yourself which is the hardest piece the pick up (if you're a dog) - actually - even if you're not a dog, imagine which to you would make the MOST sense to pick up. Got it? The stick part, right? Wouldn't that be the most logical place to wrap around your hand and grip the limb forcifully so as not to let it go? You guessed it, not little W.


She sniffs the stick, opens her mouth, and takes a chomp onto those silly little feather-pine-needle-ends and slaps the one or two smallest ones into her mouth and begins to drag. Don't ask me why, she honestly trips on it and reassesses her grip more frequently that walking in a straight line with it. Because it's so easy to trip on when walking, I thought, is that the fun in it? She must know that the stick is present, we can all hear it dragging on the pavement, and so why not try to bite the part that is easiest to carry? She could prance a lot easier, showing off her victory. Why make it harder on herself?


This is why the reflections began. As most people in my life know, I have been struggling with work (fomer and current) and education, among finding the personal niches in my life that make me happy, and feel present. So what if little W has it right? I take on the job that I once had, and expect it to be easy, to make me happy. Granted I like the people I work with, and the kids are as cute as any group of toddlers will be, but it's not what I am meant to do, I don't feel that kind of connection to it, so why choose it? Because it's easy? I went to college already, and yet I definitely took an easy route doing what I thought I enjoyed, not what I thought would get me somewhere economically. And now I find that without specific coursework in a career-altering world, there is no easy way to escape that reality. Have I made it harder waiting to apply to graduate school? Have I made it harder never taking certain courses that would help my acceptance? What of my hobbies? Thank goodness for this blog, it may be one of the only creative outlets I'm giving myself at the moment.


I'm a photographer. A reader. At times, a writer and poet. I like to shop, garden, and exercise. I'm getting into golf. Where are all those things? In the warmer months ahead? Why? I need to remember that sometimes the stick isn't what makes the walk of life more fun. Sometimes I need to just nuzzle into a bed of pine needles and get messy. Life is about efficiency, but it's also about challenge. And it's about fun. The day to day can be mundane, so it's okay to grab the rough end of it and muck on through, and be proud of what you have. The rest of it is with you, maybe dragging behind you, but it's there. The simpler stuff comes, once you remember the way in which you get there can involve all the mishaps and trips and prancing, along with the hard work and obtaining all you can. Prove to yourself you are capable.

savings

I'm not sure what kind of "savings fairy" was created this time of year to make us think that we would be helped - but whoever did think that March and April were to be particularly cruel instead, shame on you.


First off, daylight savings. So I have a little more sunlight guiding me home in the evening. For the time being, it's still an hour ride home, and in fact, it is almost consistently a 60 minute ride any of time my shift ends considering the mass of people that want to get out of work and enjoy the warmth. Who knew? Granted, there isn't much better than driving home with the windows down, music blaring, and just the air between my bare feet and the pedal as my worn shoes from a long day's work are nestled under my seat. Okay, daylight savings has its perks.


And yet, there is still some unforseen forces that occur when the hour "jumps ahead." What about the 10 children in our classroom every day that now have to adjust to a "new" lunch hour or nap time? There behaviors are by no means fluid, they're toddlers. But this lost hour has also skyrocketed this "terrible two" syndrome for the week, causing upturns in eating habits, tantrum throwing and the like. Surely it will be Friday tomorrow, and therefore the day should ideally go by quickly despite the (more?) chaotic week. Maybe parents will even come and pick up early! And by the following week, the kids should feel back to normal, so to speak, and just be back to their usual tantrum-throwing, newly discovered hitting, screaming selves. :)


What else is saved over the course of the spring? Certainly not one's sanity. And all the worse is what's known as the dreaded: tax season. Never have I had to accomplish this on my own. My own mom has been kind enough to cover each of my sister's and my taxes over the years, no major questions asked of us. And as college ended and "real life" began, we started to accumulate our own love-hate relationship with the IRS. Could it be simpler? Yes. But then what would happen to the field of accounting, right? And while there are years when you save a little through a deductible (horray for counting up mileage), the money refunded and the money one has to pay doesn't hardly matter when you examine the actual accumulated time spent on filling out forms and worksheets, and making sure the right copy of the right W2 is sent to federal not state, no which state? Sheesh. Knowing that this pile of procrastination waits for me at my office desk, I've saved hardly any room in this post to complain further about it.


So, be thankful for the extended sun, right? It doesn't save us from tiring our eyes, or feeling like the week's work is too long, and the nights are too short. But it may give us a little more light to ponder among the various neighbors outside, other dogs that are wandering the out in the park. And be thankful for the 15th of April to freaking get here already. Bring on the spring cleaning, and not just the cleaning out of someone's bank account, please.

when you see a robin

Today is one of those bright, sunny days, at about 50 degrees, when more than ever you can hear the birds singing away. Sure the nasty crows and honking geese are flying up overhead, but this time there are other chirps, other colors soaring about the blue sky. The robins are about the apartment complex, confusing poor little Windsor who just wants to play, but despite her pulling on the leash to chase them, it makes me happy thinking that Spring is actually just around the corner.


Mike's mom is visiting this weekend, and aside from her bringing along the sunshine, she is the first overnight visitor we have had with Windsor. And W loves the extra company! Nothing wrong with a little extra play time for a growing girl. The benefit of the springtime is that daylight savings is round the corner, just as Mike's mom happened to remind us. It will be so nice to come home with natural light on past the rush hour. Past the dinnertime. Just to be out and free without extra wear, such as a fleece or heavy sweatshirt, to be roaming the woods among the flickering sun and gentle not-so-harsh breezes, it is Spring kissing our backs, and our heels kicking up the edge of winter wears.


So at the park today, we happened to see that robin bouncing on the logs, on the grasses with her eyes just as flickering and proving in disbelief that we may have been fooled; that the sun is only passing among the gray clouds hovering behind her. Any yet, as the hours passed, there the sun and all her warmth, there the robin and her song stuck with us, guiding us on a memorable, restful day. A busy, extreme stretch of exercise, book-ended by the hints of Spring, and peaceful calm it evokes from a hard, untrusting soul. Thank you, Spring, please join us!


More deep breaths needed to pass through these months ahead.