perhaps i'm a teacher?

Summer hiatus!  What can I say.  With clinical begun in May, the work force/schedule a-changing due to office expansion, the day to day has become routine and cumbersome at times.  Fortunately, we were able to sneak a week of family time in Maine, New Hampshire, and end it in PA for a "stay-cation" wrap-up.  July included Yarmouth Clam Fest, re: diaper derby (!); this is a race for tots ages crawling and up, with heats, winners, and wow! the audiences!  Much larger than anticipated and it was as hilarious as we could imagine.  Not to mention that (un)fortunately Elle did exactly what we expected.  Sat still.  Yup!  In her heat of 11 babes, just 2 moved forward, or at all, and were declared winner for the next round.  Like usual, Elliot seemed content in just observing the scene.


NH we celebrated Mimi's 60th and had a surprise guest list and lobster dinner for her.  E got to meet more new family members and enjoyed her travels, despite the constant car seat.  Overall, she and Winnie as co-pilot were true champions.  It was a nice switch up in the middle of this heat!


Today, though, as it has been off and on, was an autumn tease.  Despite August being the "Sunday of summer," it was lovely to have windows open, spread mulch in the front yard among the annuals, and absorb cool breezes under the shade of our maple.  Picked up lil E from daycare, splashed in the tub, and am now sipping on a pinot grigio with library read in tow for my next book club get together come October.  Just needed a pumpkin spice latte to make this a real fall day!


Lastly, looking forward to the next 24 hours, because as of 7:44pm tomorrow evening, Elliot will be officially 1!  As she itches to walk, there's not much to fear less the impending play of tag and chase!  Can't believe what 365 days on this earth means for our darling daughter, and I am thrilled to discover what else she will become in the coming years.

green thumb in progress

Finally collected up some homegrown lettuce - salads abound! - and herbs tonight from the two, small garden beds we have in the backyard.  Last year at this time, we had been in the house around a month, and we were gearing up for a week in NE where M and I call home to see family for a week.  The garden then, as it unfortunately is now, was slightly slimmer pickin's than I intended; fortunately last year I had the lovely excuse of being a new homeowner and 7-month-along pregnant woman to not let it get to me.  This year, the excuses rise from a 6-day week schedule, and, well, you know what I might say - no excuse!  Let me just be gleeful that I harvested something tonight that will be a delicious accompaniment to some meals in the coming weeks.  There is still much of a summer/fall to grow other yummies, and other years ahead to plot and plan more accordingly.  Next year, even the lil' Elle bean can help rake and sow.


Without falling privy to the negative comparison of, and rather rise to the aspiration of my grandmothers and own mother - and quite frankly, my sisters and friends - I do intend on growing goods at my home for years to come.  The food plants and vegetables seem more intuitive to me.  Create dirt base, plant seed, wait and eat.  The perennials, annuals, shade-forgiving, and sun-fearing attention to detail is less up my alley or intrigue right now.  The seller of our house did us much good by taking care of overall landscape with low-maintenance nourishings.  Hostas, rhododendron, daylilies, rose bush, etc...plants that even Mike and I would need more skill than not to harm their survival.  And yet, I learn each year and each season the tricks that can help.  Trimming plants down to keep them in line as the spring wears on, instead of waiting until the fall to contour them.  Watering enough, but knowing that Mother Nature has her own special pours on hand.  When in doubt, call your mom and ask :)


What's more, is the feeling of growing vegetables with the simple joy of doing it, and by happenstance reaping the benefits of good eats which economically are a good fit.  Mike and I are in constant - aware, not anxious - communication about our monies and financial future as a family.  As the two of us, it was easier to let things slide more often; but a pup and a baby can tack on unforeseen costs that don't slide away from our minds as easily!  Minor, but helpful, the garden is a symbol of so many nuances: love, health, determination, and gratitude to name a few.  Just as I am loving my library fix every couple of weeks for the escape into good reads, with the economic benefit and subsequent bonus of the nostalgic, musty aromas within the pages and binding.  (Don't have an e-reader yet, and I believe I would find it a challenge to succumb to it.)


A lush life led here so far in PA, and we've so many seasons ahead to thrive!

a place of YES

 This post is dedicated to mothers.  Well, fathers, too, actually...Okay, for all caregivers, but it is in reference to the Mother's Day gifts I sent to my own Mama, MIL, and Mike's grandmother.  So, with that in mind, also note that I actually sent these Jackson-Pollock-inspired gifts to my entire family.

A place of YES is where I hope all my sisters, family and friends, and for those of you I don't even know, is a place I hope you can be, always.  The idea behind it - as far as I understand and receive it - is that if we live in a place of YES, most of what we wish, want, desire, aim for, is possible.  "Aiming to Grow" is something I titled this blog with the concept (although subconsciously) of YES in mind.  If you look at the word YES, you might undergo what I do.  A happy, positive, and uplifting feeling arises.  I might even nod my head involuntarily, just by recognizing the y-e-s lined up in a row.  This affiliation with good, encouraging thoughts, can help (re)create good, encouraging actions.

I am about to invest some serious time with my Master's internship.  Truly - I see clients this Saturday!  I am in for a year of chaos, curiosity, confusion, and hopefully some confidence thrown in from the start - derived mainly from being in this "place of the positive."  It's not a mentality I could necessarily put onto clients right away.  Experiencing something bad or traumatizing can make it  difficult enough to seek therapy, without being confronted by the all-go-lucky counselor sprinkling verbal fairy dust all over you.  It's not realistic.  It doesn't depict the authenticity of a person who will help guide you to better change in a constructive way.  And while I have even been told by professors and colleagues that my inherent belief that people are generally good could be a bias that prohibits me from viewing the therapeutic process most clinically, I know full well part of being a great therapist is by being yourself, in the room, with the clients, to develop a strong and trusting rapport.  This, I'm afraid, means me, coming into the room with a pool of YES stirring from within.

The YES gifts were made by Elle - she hated doing it :). But damn if I was going to be sans crafts for this Mother's Day, and so she dealt with the paint and canvas blocks, and bath shortly after.  Her hands helped create the YES I want to be a part of my family's lives, and the premise is certainly a push for what I hope my daughter can experience.  I am only a mother because of my parents love for one another, and because of the way Mike has loved me, and has continued to shape who I am as a wife, lover, and companion.  My dear Elliot, may you find the path of YES in your own little life, and know that I am determined to help you pave it in whichever way I can.

Let's all start believing a little bit more rather than living by any other negative, and see just how much change for the better we can actually create.

erotica.

With a glimmer caressing the eyelids, warmth transcends my flesh;
Drops of moisture quiver on every surface, tingling with hesitation and suspense.
A damp sensation erodes quickly any discomfort - at long last, my world is quenched.
Colors flash before me and hold my gaze,
Pinks, yellows, and sometimes blues feast upon hungry eyes.
I swallow hard the air which breathes so sweetly,
And I listen still to the calming sounds of wind and movement surrounding me.
Its presence is different now, larger than before -
More lively and seemingly more understood;
Certainly more appreciated even as the bosoms within my view undulate in fluctuation.
Come now!  For I am accepting of your lush,
Your euphoria, in its pleasure and its pain -
Knowing all too well,
It is fleeting.
Ending too soon, so enjoy and embrace one another.
Richly.
Peacefully.
SPRING.

The GOOD Life

It's one of those Sundays; it's the end to an always-short-but-must-always-be-appreciated weekend spent with the family.  I recently read, "If we are right in our view and happiness is assumed to be acting well, the active life will be the best" -- ARISTOTLE.  That guy was clearly, the man.  Or, the philosopher, anyhow.  With relaxation to boot, Mike, Elle, Winnie(!), and I all had our fair share of activity the past two days, and it feels so nice.  On a physical, and psychological level.  I went to a yoga class yesterday, with an instructor that I particularly enjoy, and she always knows exactly what the group needs when we come in.  Most of the time, her humor helps lead us into the tough positions, and encourages those who might be fighting to keep up, to just laugh at the pose, and be grateful for their current state.  I love her 'funny' method with regards to my state of mind during a good yoga practice, too.  I found that yesterday, since I hadn't been in a few weeks to a class, that I was mentally pressuring myself to be calm, let go, and search within...whatever.  She told some jokes while we're balancing on our toes, or with foot in hand during Dancer's Pose, and it helped knock that inner ego right out of my third eye, and just loosened the whole thing up -- my brain, and subsequently, my flexibility and pose.  Go figure!


Mike went running with Winn on Friday, and we each took her on a jog this morning.  There aren't many things in life that you participate in where undoubtedly you feel good/do not regret doing it afterwards, and exercise is certainly one of them.  I might not always sprint the fastest mile, or lift the heaviest weights, but that heart-rate thing?  The whole endorphins piece?  Yeah, Aristotle was right.  Action is best.  It lightens my whole day, and I wish I had the nerve to wake up at 5/5:30a during the week to have this kind of happiness start my day; but I'll blame Elle for that one :)


The rest of our Easter will entail a little ham-steak on the grill with a soy-mustard-honey glaze, alongside some charred pineapple rings, kale and mushroom sauteed in bacon fat, and mashed sweet potatoes.  Perhaps a glass of wine.  And most definitely, some snuggling with a teething lil' babe, who is putting up her own active-fight on confronting the gum pains very, very well, all things considered.


And, by the way - April tomorrow?!  Well, we welcome you, Spring!

tick tock

"Time is relative."  That's what I've heard.  And I can certainly understand it more now when I think of my lil' bean, Elle.  She has been sick for almost 1 month now.  The sniffles, the coughing, the acquired germ-filled days of daycare led her quickly to both pink eye, and then a double ear infection.  :(  But the time it's taken on her.  Considering all this has happened within about 1 month, that's nearly 1/6 of her life!!  Whoa - talk about relative.  Mike, being sick for almost the past month is not any less annoying for him, but he can't say it's taken up such a percentage of his overall lifetime.


Time is also, as they say, "flying."  Confirmed internship spot for the next year starting in May, which means 2014 graduation is available and in sight(!).  Now just to gear up for being out of the house 6 vs. 5 full days by then...What's one more day, really?  Hopefully this upcoming year then of clinical work will also soar...


Now to get some rest - with regards to losing that precious allotment of time this morning - I am definitely feeling the ZzzZZZZzz's coming on extra early...

Wood or Silverware?

I have a confession.  I have been with someone while I have dated Mike.  Quite clearly, myself; but also, another entity with whom this month indicates I've spent 5 years.  All right, it's more of a knowing, or a meaning, rather than a thing or person...it's the practice of yoga!  And apparently, on a 5-year anniversary, the traditional/modern gift is wood/silverware.  Not sure what I could do regarding silverware for my mat, towel, and peaceful understanding of "Om," but wood is something I may be able to symbolically represent with this amazing love affair of mine.


I have all but one time practiced yoga on a wooden floor, which thus supported my mat/body.  [The one outstanding practice was a park-group-meditation, pretty neat!]  When I first began yoga, this wooden base offered me solace and comfort in child's pose, and the beloved, arguably most important pose of, Savasana (corpse's pose).  It was something my first teachers reminded me of - that Mother Nature, the earth, and our Universe supports us if we trust in its knowing and foundation.  So, in truth, the gift of wood is something that yoga has provided me time and time again.  My presenting of wood to yoga, may have happened yesterday while the class attempted Vriksasana (tree pose).  During this balancing sequence, my 5 years worth of yogic mindset and triumph across the various asanas allowed me to stand evenly, strongly, and proudly with arms raised high.  Next week, I might not be able to lift my arms as such, or each leg on either side, but it doesn't matter.  The "wood" of my tree balancing fluctuates just as any tree does in the wind, and just as any student of yoga understands that our practice must journey ups and downs, and even sideways at times!  Below are some other most helpful lessons that yoga has taught me.  In both my practice and in my life.  If you have thought about taking up yoga, I would absolutely encourage you to do so!  Its power is a self-realization, and how incredible is it to embrace the capability of internal empowerment?!  Thank you, yoga; Namaste!


-exist within the present moment (you are already here)
-the hardest part of yoga is getting onto the mat (you are already here)
-embrace what is, and do not hurt yourself to reach a pose (or goal)
-meditate
-BREATHE
-sit with yourself more often to listen to your body
-the longer you sit with yourself, the more your body shares with you (and adjusts to feel at peace)
-let go
-mind and body are one
-BREATHE
-thoughts create action, and actions perpetuate thoughts (you are more in control of this than you may believe)
-embrace your creative side
-allow modifications to help your process
-push, but do not harm (yourself or others)
-you are resilient and capable of many things